The future is scary. For a few years now (well 2 years, 3 months exactly today. But who’s counting?) I’ve been making videos on Youtube. In those 2 ¼ years, I’ve changed so much as a person and as a content creator. When I started, I knew literally nothing about video editing, commentating, or photoshop. Zero. Everything I do today has been practically all self taught over hours of practice. I gained some minimal video editing knowledge when I was placed in a video arts class during in senior year. I asked to be in that class because I was in a deep depression and thought it would be an easy course to manage. I was surprised when I started showing an interest in videos and film. Long story short, it led to me wanting to try and make gaming videos on Youtube. A path I NEVER thought would be on my journey. And now, it’s become my dream. Sounds dumb, right? But I guess there’s something I can’t explain about it. It brings me so much joy and happiness when I read the supportive comments, edit that one moment up perfectly in a video, and hear about the joy I’ve brought to other’s lives. It just feels like what I need to do and where I belong. Hard for me to argue with that I suppose.
Why would any of this be relevant right now? Well my channel has blown beyond what I ever expected. I mean, this channel is only a year and a half old and we’ve broke 11,000 subscribers and 500,000 video views! Never in my wildest dream did I expect that! But I’ve wanted it. And not for the fame. Not for the money. But because it is what I love to do. The main reason why this has been on my mind is because I have not been enjoying my job for a while now. My “day job”. For reasons I don’t want to discuss, I’ve been thinking about my options. One option that has been pushing very strongly is to work on my channel full time. Though it would be a little while, I feel I am very close to make it work (which had led to lots of confusing number crunching, long nights, and an overall feeling of doubt). This isn’t meant to be a request for everyone to rally around me and help (you all do more than I could ever say), it’s just meant to give background into my current thought process. In the end, this decision comes with a large amount of fear and uncertainty.
Many times in life, we pass up on good opportunities because we are afraid of failing. We let these doubts control us and hold us back from things we want. Lately in my life, I’ve grown tired of not going after what I want. I’ve been done with being timid and worried about every leap of faith. So today as I type this, despite my fears, I am planning on really pushing to become a full time Youtuber. I want to follow what I love. Deep down, I know that if I was to take the safe road and stop this whole thing now, I would miss it all the time and regret not seeing where it could have led. Life is weird. You never know where you will end up, despite what you originally planned. I have no idea where I will be, but my gut is telling me things I’m tired of ignoring. For those lost, afraid, or unsure about what move to make next; follow where you think you need to go. Pursuit your dreams because even if it doesn’t work out, at least you did it. And that makes all the difference.
Fear is written in sand.
Regret is carved into stone.
-Axe
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